It’s hard enough trying to give everyone a perfect Christmas when you’re part of a neurotypical family. When you have at least one neurodivergent family member, something’s got to give! So, how can you protect your sanity AND make this Christmas one to remember for all the right reasons?
Here are my top tips…starting with the most important!
- Grab post-it notes and pens and you all write down what you think the typical ideal Christmas would involve. Bring the family together in a huddle to highlight the elements that work for you as a family. Everything else isn’t your ideal Christmas, it’s somebody else’s! If no-one likes sprouts, don’t buy them. If your dog’s scared of crackers, forget them. If you’d rather eat Rich Tea biscuits than mince pies, go for it. Who are we to judge?
- Have a chat about what each of you would add to the list if you could, such as 30 minutes in the bath without being uninterrupted. You could even get the kids busy producing vouchers which you can cash in guilt-free.
- Don’t be a martyr. Sometimes, we can find ourselves wanting to do everything ourselves in the hope that we are appreciated for it. Chances are, we won’t be! Instead, share the load so you and your partner both get time for number 4…
- Downtime! Try to factor in some downtime between activities for kids. This will also give you an opportunity to put your feet up or cash in one of your vouchers! Don’t forget that rest is a basic human need, not a reward.
- Don’t wrap your kids’ presents unless they want them wrapped. Many of my clients tell me that they don’t like unwrapping presents in front of other people as they find it really awkward. If that’s the case, say that it’s ok to unwrap presents at a later time or in private. When it comes to your own gifts, you could try giving them wrapped in cellophane or unwrapped, so they don’t have to deal with a surprise. Remember, us 70s kids grew up with badly wrapped presents in pillowcases and we’re not scarred for life.
- Practice saying ‘that doesn’t work for us’. We can get caught up in trying to explain the reasons why we don’t want to agree to an activity or a visit but ‘that doesn’t work for us’ should be enough.
- Don’t let comparison be the thief of joy. You never know what debt people are getting themselves into or what tantrums are going on behind closed doors. Taking social media posts with a pinch of salt can also help! After all, if you’re having that much fun you haven’t got time to post.
- Have a post-Christmas debrief. Find out what everyone enjoyed and what could be done differently. Pack the list away with your decorations so there’s a reminder for next year!
